Wednesday, May 27, 2015

.: Changed :.

I think I have changed recently.

I keep myself away from lots of people inculding my closer friends.
Only connected to those closest one which I feel that I can told them anything and anytime.

This usually happens when I have lots of issues to handle and dont want to burden other people with my problems as I know they also have their own thingy to handle with.

I did shares all my problems with Mr AP as this problems related to our works and he knows me too well and also I know I can trust him 100% to keep from others.

But, till last week, I think I should stop to share with him as this is my problems and its unfair for him to listen to my problems all the time when he also might has his own issues to handle with.

I try my best to keep all that issues by myself and resolved all that issues asap but sometimes I failed to do so. At the end, what I can do is crying. To let it out from my head.

Dont know till when I can survive like this.


Sunday, May 24, 2015

.: Full. Blur. :.

Its been a while I didn't babling here.
I spent almost 12 hours daily at the office. Sometimes, 13 -14 hours which is soooo not healthy at all.

Lots of things happen which is most of them are major issues.
Plus, decision need to be made on the spot and there is no guidance from the boss.
I did ask him to give me the solution, but at the end, he just asked me to take the solution that have less impact to client no matter what the solution is.
Cool right? *krik krik*

All our team members called me his PA since most of the decision, he needs me to discuss with him. The reason being is his not familiar with our thingy ( even though he already 1 year with us). Poor me, I think.

I have applied long leave in November but being rejected by him. The reason he gave me is there is another AM in FE team on leave during that period of time. But, I did fight as I've been told to cover that team only till September. Still, he didn't allowed me to take on that time.
Then, the best part is, he rejected another leave that I've applied which is in August and the same reason he gave me. That makes me wonder if the reason is the only excuses he has to avoid me on leave as last friday, my AM partner was on leave as well as the AM in FE team.

All our team members make jokes to me saying that I only can take leave when his on leave as well. I'm his PA right.. which is so unfair for me..
I did applied on diff dates and we will see how once he get back to work from his long leave which the long leave only will starts from this monday..


Sunday, May 17, 2015


He makes me melt here!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

.: Past :.

My closest friend in office (also my trainer now for far east market), M, asked me why I didnt bother at all about marriage while all our friends there worried about their life partner.

And it just knock my mind as well as all this while, whenever people asked me about marriage, I just laugh and said 'not yet maybe'.

Being in a relationship for 8 years with the same person (of course on and off), I think its hard to maintain a good momentum. We are not like a normal couple (fight, have some drama or shout at each other). We never fight (so far, what I can recall) as we believed we are matured enough (seriously?) to handle all these nonsense thingy.

But, of course, jealous is the main reason why both of us always break up during these 8 years period of time.

We have a planned to move to the next step (marriage) while his late mother still with us. But, maybe we are not meant for each other. After his mother passed away, followed by his father, we break up for a while (but of course I'm by his side, as a close friend to support and cheer him up).

Then, we continue being together back and continue what we planned before. He brought me to meet all his brothers and I bring him to meet my sister as well.

Dont know what happened, we lost our way. As usual, maybe jealous is the factor (but for me its the indicator that we are really not meant for each other).

We offically break up 1 month before I'm going to MNL. And both of us agreed that no more after this. Not as a friend as well since we might being together again and again.

While I'm in MNL, I tried my best to forget him and we tried our best to ignore each other (of course its hard at first since we still connected by fb).
He gave me a msg but no reply from me of course and the same thing happens from my side.

But after 2 months (I'm back from MNL), we totally strangers to each other. I think I have enough as of now and I dont think marriage is one of my focused as of now.

Maybe in future, who knows but for now, not yet.


.: Respect. Amaze:.

Happy day for me today (I guess)..
No much issue and seems like all the 'roller-coaster-days' has gone (hopefully).
While doing the works just now, Mr AT 'st' me asking about something.

And, as usual, he never forget to give me a new word (comes with the meaning of each alphabet.. like I.T.A.L.Y, J.A.P.AN).
I'm so amazed with him actually.
He's one of my trainee when I'm in MNL.
Sometimes I called him "boss" as he's in higher level from me..
Compare to other person which in the same level with him, he never ever escape my training.

To add on, he never take down the notes but he can remember all those things that I has delivered to all of them. He will understand all those things and absorb in his mind.

I really admirer his positive thinking and he once told me that if someone did the error, he'll sang the song to that person. (Sounds cool to me! Thehehe).

That's the reason why I really dont mind to answer lots of question from him (knowing me, I'm lazy to answer the question from higher level as I believed they should know better) as I know I'll learnt something as well.

Sometimes, I make a joke with him asking him to take me as his staff. I know I'll learn lots of things and I can be positive person as well. I really need that now..


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

.: A very long day :.

- meeting : supposed not me but ... *silent*
- cont with another meeting : lots of issues here and there. *still okay*
-they play around and they almost give me heart attack : almost missed fund *meh*
- big issue : blame each other which the party in fault is third party. niceee. *exhausted*

And the best part, cannot go back even already passed almost 2 hour from working hours.

Reached home : whatsapp amy asked her if she still want me to pass resume to ben.


Tuesday, May 12, 2015

.: random :.

Dad : Dikcik (my name amongs family members), did u remember auntie zahnita?
Me : a lil bit. Why?
Dad : her son working under the same company as you but different zone. HK zone. In cyber not kl.
Me : ermmmmm. *munching my niece's grapes while the eyes focused on tv*
Dad : zahin (or zahir or zahim, can't remember; or maybe not focused) will attend the training in kl tomorrow. Dikcik wants to meet him and introduce yourself to him?
Me : *silent for a while* dont think so. Have lots of meetings (excuses). Dah ngantuk (sleepy already). Nite.

*dont know how many times he asked me to meet whoever-this-guy. But, I'm not interested at all as for now. Sorry dad! *

**need another excuses; in future**


.: Ignore :.

Have to save the previous entry in draft.
After meditate in warm bath tub, I should take that challeged as a new knowledge for me - for my own improvement.



Sunday, May 10, 2015

.: Craving. Crazy :.

Craving since thursday's night. Till my trainee / my partner in crime / my workstation's neighbour, zarif, asked me if I'm pregnant in Manila as craving lots of food. And the best part, all my food will be his food as well since I'm too full to finish all or I've a meeting to attend to.


Saturday, May 9, 2015

.: Ramblings part II:.

Have some serious chat with him last night.
Talking about works, office related and the future.
He told me he have an interview session this monday.
-the one he applied last march.
Too happy for him but too sad as well.
Too happy as finally he can shows to other nonsense people there that he's capable man and he has the knowledge that other team realise but not his own team leader.

Too sad as I'm going to lost him as my reference, my dictionary and my partner in crime.
But, of course, he needs that movement after all nonsense thingy happens this week. I should support him and pray for his success.

I told him I prefer if he can move up in our team instead of other team as for us here, he's really reliable and knowledgeable verifier.
He agreed with me as for him, he's already comfortable with his tasks now but, maybe management have a different ideas with us.

Hate it but we need to accept the decision as that's not our own company, I guess.
Losing him, meaning, I might be lost my little brother there. Because the stress might be higher for him. And losing two beloved persons are not happy at all. No more excited reason why I should come to office everyday. The only reason left is I need the salary. That's it.

I cannot mumbling in my fb about all this nonsense thingy as there are team leader in my friend list and I'm not trusted them at all. Not yet I guess..

I should start to submit my resume once he confirms with me he'll move and my little brother is no longer there. I'll not leave till both of them is no longer there. That's my promise to myself. As both of them are really special to me. Dont know why.


Friday, May 8, 2015

.: Rambling :.

Decide to deactivate my fb account.
However, some of my closest friends sent lots of whatsapp msg asking me y they cannot connected with me via fb messenger.
Maybe by this weekend I'll deactivate that account for a while since lots of negative vibes from me will effect my friends there.
No healthy life for me at all since most of my hours per day spent in the office. I spent almost 14 hours in the office evryday to ensure all tasks complete on time and to ensure my other team mates will not feel the burden because of lots of tasks need to be complete.
For me, its not like I love to torture myself but as a team, we need to help each other even though i need to sacrifice my leisure time.
And its not their fault at all, but maybe management need to think the best solution to overcome the shortage of people we have right now?

Also, I need to prepare for my next adjustment which is they challeged me to handle two teams which is for me not the right time for them to come out with this challeges. Its not like I cant accept the challege but my current team also short of people to do a daily tasks. They said that, my current team is actually in a good momentum and they also wants to challege my other AM if he can handle the team without fully support by me.
All these reasons, for me, doesnt make sense at all during this time as we still try to survive with the new segregation they make. Plus, with the latest arragement, I'm scared if one of my staff cannot bare all these stress and submit the 'love letter'.

I told all of them, I'll try my best to support them with whatever ways I can assist and they just need 5 months to bare with it. (As 5 month is the agreement between me and management for these new arragement).

We'll see how this works and if this become more crucial than we have right now, I'll challege back to those who make decision about this new arragement. I cannot bare to lost any one of them either from here or there. Each one of them means everything to me.